Emotional Intelligence Leadership

I recently shared an example of a leader, I’ll call her Faye, that built a lot of trust. Cultivating trust helped her build strong relationships. These relationships created an environment where people wanted to do their best and in fact, they did, they excelled.

Let’s look at her behaviors and actions:

Encouraged and promoted open communication

- Faye was honest and transparent and fostered that in return. You knew where she stood and what she expected. She shared her reasoning, thoughts and feelings. There were no hidden agendas or mixed messages. She created an environment where people truly felt they could express an opinion and it would be considered, even if it differed from hers. Faye asked for regular feedback and gave it freely, both complimentary and constructive. When she couldn’t take an action that was requested, she explained why and it made sense. She communicated clearly and thoroughly; the receiver really got the message that she intended.

Reliable and consistent

- Faye kept commitments and held herself and those she worked with accountable. She had high integrity. There were no surprises or broken promises. She was good at following-up. When she couldn’t take an action that was requested, she explained why and it made sense.

Respectful to all

-Faye was fair and had no hidden agendas. She really valued diversity. She enhanced people’s self-esteem.

Showed confidence in others

-Faye let people do their jobs by supporting them and getting out of their way. She invested in her team’s development, both individually and as a group. She coached and mentored. She advocated for her group and others. She shared leadership and she brought out the best in others.

Faye was and is a great leader and boss. And she still is one of the best leaders I know.

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In last week’s post, I talked about the top three reasons why you, leader, need to be socially aware. They are:

1) It’s a small world, getting smaller by the minute.

2) You can’t be a success in leadership on your own.

3) People do business with people they know and like.

So how do you become socially aware? How do you increase your social awareness?

The number one way is to listen. LISTEN. Stop talking and really focus on the other person and what s/he is saying or trying to express. This means no interrupting and no drafting your response in your head while the other person is speaking. It is being truly present in that moment with that person, completely focused on him.

When we really listen and give another person our full attention, it builds trust and respect and good relationships. Whenever I ask people what qualities or characteristics they think of in great leaders, “being a good listener” is always on the list. Good Listening is developing the skill to peel away layers to get to the core of the message. Yes, you should be able to paraphrase what you heard, AND you should “get” the underlying message, the unspoken words. It means paying attention to body language, voice-tone and the words. Hopefully, these three match and are congruent. If not, body language is the most reliable way to “hear” a message.

It seems simple and yet it isn’t always easy to do. Leaders can build this skill and for those who do, they improve their social awareness and they expand their circle of influence It takes practice, being open to receiving feedback and taking action on the input.

Are you ready to increase your social awareness, build more respectful, trusting relationships and expand your leadership circle of influence?

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Genuine human connection is at the heart of emotional intelligence (EI). Leaders more than ever need to connect to those they are leading. And perhaps more critical is that people, employees, volunteers need to feel connected to their leaders. They do that, we do that through human connection. Face-to-face.

Don’t worry, I’m not asking you to get rid of your PDA. I am suggesting that if you are wanting to improve your EI or are in need of developing emotional intelligence, you opt for a face-to- face conversation more than every-so-often. Leadership is many things. One is the art of getting things done, usually for a positive business result, through other people. While there are other ways to get results, one of the best ways is by building relationships. Studies show that one of the things employees want from their work environment is a positive relationship with their supervisor.  When that is a given, it’s fine to use your PDA to send a quick request and receive a timely response. But if your primary form of communicating is via a hand-held device, and you don’t already have a strong positive relationship, it’s time to put it down, walk around the corner and say hello.

Don’t sacrifice a relationship for what initially appears to be a more efficient way to get things done. The long run ROI just isn’t there. If however, you invest in building relationships through genuine human connections and then use your BlackBerry wisely, your efforts will pay off.

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