Emotional Intelligence Leadership

A tickle that develops into a sore throat is my early warning system for a cold. My response is lots of hot tea with honey. Usually I can catch it in time so that the cold doesn’t materialize.

Most of us have early warning systems for various aspects of our lives. They may be so automatic, we don’t think about them. But developing them isn’t always automatic.

As leaders, we also need to have reliable early waring systems. And they need to be developed and nurtured. And, we need to pay keen attention to them. Two that work for me (and that I’m still developing) are:

1) my intuition

2) asking big picture and then progressively more detailed questions

Intuition experts say we all have this ability, some of us use it more than others. And it turns out the more you use it the better it is, like a muscle. My intuition has become more reliable over time as I pay attention- become more self-aware, trust it and consciously call it to action.

A quick story. I serve as President on a local board of directors for a not-for-profit organization for women business owners, NAWBO (National Association of Women Business Owners). Our term started in July and most of the board was staying on for another term. We have a couple new members also. Recently, I had a feeling that one of our new board members was going to resign. It was a “gut” feeling. Over the course of the next three weeks, I touched base with this person a few times to see how things were going and how I could lend support. There wasn’t anything specific she asked of me. But last week she resigned for some personal reasons. I wasn’t surprised. I was disappointed to see her go, but I know this is what is best for her.

Here’s the learning in this example. I had an intuitive feeling something was going to change, but I didn’t pay enough attention at the time. Had I done so, I would have been three steps ahead in having the back-up plan ready to execute. I had somewhat of a back-up plan. Not solid enough. I should have really listened and trusted to my intuition when it started to give me the sense that something was about to happen and then prepared to set plan B into motion.

Plan B has now been put into place, but it took three days longer than it should have.

If you are a leader (and everyone is on some level) what is your early warning system?

Stayed tuned for more…

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Too often I meet leaders who have the view that being successful and getting business results is primarily about being task oriented.

I disagree.

Being successful in getting business results is combining all the elements of Emotional Intelligence with focusing on achieving the business goals and objectives. Today, being a leader means paying attention and putting energy and effort into relationships and nurturing relationship management. By now I hope you recognize that even though you may want to do everything yourself, it just is not possible. That’s where relationships matter. If you hope to accomplish all the priorities, you need to collaborate with those in your team and influence them in a positive way to meet those demands.

In order to do this, think about how much of your effort as a leader is on relationships. How much emphasis do you put on tasks? Rough numbers, I say you should spend 70% give or take a little on relationship building and maintaining those relationships.

How do you start spending 70% of your energy on relationships? Start with learning about EI and yourself. Then once you have an idea about where your EI competencies are, you can develop a plan to strengthen and refine them.

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Alice Trexler, Associate Professor and Director of Dance, at Tufts University was a very influential leader in my life. I don’t know if she realizes the hugely positive influence she had on me, my thinking about the world in many respects and my outlook on life. In fact, I don’t think I fully realized this myself until I read today in the NY Times about Merce Cunninham, the choreographer, passing away on Sunday.

Merce Cunningham was a leader. Not only in the world of dance and the arts, but in a much larger context as he explored and experimented with ideas beyond the then-accepted boundaries.

Alice introduced me to Merce Cunningham and his work while I was a student at Tufts. I was quickly taken-in by what he pursued and embraced:  experimentation,“But” and “What if?” questions about what dance and choreography are or could be, pedestrian movement and its place in dance, independence, ambiguity and humor, dance as the expression of the nature of change itself, “…he showed how people can be intensely involved and isolated at the same time in a relationship, both cooperating and independent.”

All of these concepts and elements are somehow intertwined into my leadership and emotional intelligence work today.

“You have to love dancing to stick to it,” Cunningham once wrote. “It gives you nothing back, no manuscripts to store away, no paintings to show on walls and maybe hang in museums, no poems to be printed and sold, nothing but that single fleeting moment when you feel alive.”

With gratitude and aloha to Alice Trexler and Merce Cunningham, leaders.

Alison Zecha

NY Times article http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/28/arts/dance/28cunningham.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2&hp

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“You can’t base your life on other people’s expectations.”  Stevie Wonder

For a number of years, I led my life using other people’s expectations as my guide, as an anchor. Yes, we all do this to a point, but you need to recognize – become self-aware – of your own expectations to be really happy, productive and effective as a leader.

As I reflect on this today,  I’m much happier and much more effective as a leader now that I have my own set of expectations and live life and lead from them.

What are your expectations? What’s important to you and how do you lead your life?

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Watching my two-year old son today at the beach in Hawaii made me think about how trust actually develops.

Is it there until it isn’t? Can and do we relearn how to trust? How do we develop trust in ourselves, in one another and the larger world? Why is it that some of us are more trusting and why do we trust sooner than others?

In the 1950’s, psychiatrist Erik Erickson developed a model of social and emotional development. The process of socialization, the Eight Stages of Development start with learning basic trust vs. basic mistrust. This occurs in infancy through the first one or two years: the nurtured and loved child develops, trust, security and a certain optimism.

Back to today. We’ve been to this beach before, so familiarity made us both more comfortable. Comfortable enough to settle close to the shoreline and immediately play in the wet sand, about a foot above the line where the surf rolled in. Previously we would start in the dry sand quite a ways from the ocean and slowly make our way to the seashore over the course of an hour or so. Today, it was just a few minutes after our arrival that my son wanted to go in the water.

But the waves were a bit bigger and the tide was higher than our previous visits. We waded in a bit, holding hands. My son is not a huge risk taker, at least not yet. I’d say he is somewhat cautious. We were fine until the the third wave. It wasn’t much bigger than the others, it came up to his chest, but it was relatively bigger than what he was used to. He cried and we retreated. And that was the end of going in the ocean for today.

This made me wonder if he trusted me, himself, or even the waves until the situation proved to be different that he expected. And I’m wondering how much of today’s experience will impact our next visit.

This made me think about leaders who trust from the get-go until there is evidence not to vs. those that withhold trust until other people have earned it.

What do you think? What kind of leader are you? What kind of leader would you want to be lead by?

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Why is trust such an important part of being a leader? Without it, almost nothing else matters. It is a basic trademark of good leadership.

This makes me recall a former boss. He had technical business savvy, but very little emotional intelligence. He lead by fear, not by cultivating trust. He bullied lots of people (this was before companies really paid attention to professional and civil treatment for all) . He did not care about building relationships. And forget about developing employees. It’s almost as though he had a “chew ‘em up and spit ‘em out” philosophy. People would shake in their boots when he was around. He did not admit mistakes and was good at blaming others. While his “get results through fear” had short-term impact, it could not carry the long-term business results the corporation expected. Trust was non-existent. No one wanted to go the extra mile. Turnover was at an all-time high. And in the end, he was terminated.

It was a great learning experience. One that showed clearly what not to do.

In contrast, another former supervisor invested in relationships and earning people’s trust. She was honest and transparent. She had high integrity and you knew where she stood and what she expected. There were no hidden agendas. She created an environment where people truly felt they could express an opinion and it would be considered, even if it differed from hers. It was safe, so people had more courage and took more (good) risks. She kept commitments. She asked for regular feedback and was good at following-up. When she couldn’t take an action that was requested, she explained why and it made sense. She communicated clearly and thoroughly; in other words, the receiver really got the message that she intended. She let people do their jobs by supporting them and getting out of their way. She invested in her team’s development, both individually and as a group. People excelled on her team and high performers from other departments wanted to work with her. People willingly gave more than was expected and had fun doing it. We’re talking lots of optimal performance. In the end, she was promoted, several times, to the highest executive level.

It was a great learning experience. It made me want to be that kind of leader because I experienced first-hand what it was like to work with someone like that. I was motivated to do my best and then reach further, to improve from there. It was invigorating and rewarding, not just for me but for people I interacted with also.

Most leaders fall somewhere in between these two examples. And most good leaders do some of the things outlined in the second story above, some of the time.

Here’s my challenge to leaders: what difference would you see in performance and then business results if you did all of the things to build and nurture trust, all of the time? If you don’t think it’s worth the investment, I guarantee you are not maximizing your team’s output, getting the best business results and for sure you are not getting optimal performance.

Try it and let me know…

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Leaders! You have to pay attention to how to maximize your time and energy. If you aren’t already making the most of how you spend your energy, you’re wasting precious resources and you may be on your way to derailment or burnout.

One of the hallmarks of leadership is getting great business results through and with others and not trying to do it all yourself. Given that there’s always more to achieve, you need to rely on each individual on your team to do her/his part. The sum of everyone’s efforts needs to be 1+1=5 or better.

Emotional intelligence research shows that people want to do their best work, to perform at their optimal level when they work in a setting that enables them to do just that. What does that environment look like?

For starters, there’s a lot of trust. Up, down and sideways.

Yes, people can do a good job when it doesn’t exist, but for long-term, sustainable, excellent outcomes, trust must be part of the emotional climate. And integrity goes with trust.

Leaders often ask me how to cultivate trust. It’s simple but not necessarily easy. You build mutually trusting relationships one interaction at a time. Some then ask, “isn’t that a huge investment of time and energy?” I go back to how the leader is spending his time in the first place. If you want 1+1=5, use your time wisely. That includes building better, more effective relationships based on trust.

Every single interaction is an opportunity to build trust. And it’s a two-way street. If we really think about this, even our simplest human connections take on a different meaning.

In thinking about how to build trust, how do you start to feel that another person is trustworthy? Most often someone who earns out trust does so by being honest and open, truthful. I don’t mean brutally honest with no regard for the other person’s feelings. I’m referring to the person who can present the truth in a helpful way, using their emotional intelligence to read their own emotions and that of the other person or group and respond appropriately. This person keeps confidences. Their actions and behaviors match what they say. You know, they walk their talk. And he doesn’t do things for personal gain. He admits his mistakes or missteps and learns from them.

Trust develops over time, little by little. And can be instantly dissolved.

I’ll be talking more about trust, how to cultivate it, and what not to do over the next few posts.

And as always, I welcome your thoughts and comments.

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In last week’s post, I talked about the top three reasons why you, leader, need to be socially aware. They are:

1) It’s a small world, getting smaller by the minute.

2) You can’t be a success in leadership on your own.

3) People do business with people they know and like.

So how do you become socially aware? How do you increase your social awareness?

The number one way is to listen. LISTEN. Stop talking and really focus on the other person and what s/he is saying or trying to express. This means no interrupting and no drafting your response in your head while the other person is speaking. It is being truly present in that moment with that person, completely focused on him.

When we really listen and give another person our full attention, it builds trust and respect and good relationships. Whenever I ask people what qualities or characteristics they think of in great leaders, “being a good listener” is always on the list. Good Listening is developing the skill to peel away layers to get to the core of the message. Yes, you should be able to paraphrase what you heard, AND you should “get” the underlying message, the unspoken words. It means paying attention to body language, voice-tone and the words. Hopefully, these three match and are congruent. If not, body language is the most reliable way to “hear” a message.

It seems simple and yet it isn’t always easy to do. Leaders can build this skill and for those who do, they improve their social awareness and they expand their circle of influence It takes practice, being open to receiving feedback and taking action on the input.

Are you ready to increase your social awareness, build more respectful, trusting relationships and expand your leadership circle of influence?

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Look around at who is a great leader. Chances are they combine technical knowledge, business savvy and emotional intelligence.

You can’t escape the fact that as leaders, having social awareness which is part of being socially competent, a fundamental of emotional intelligence, is a must for extraordinary long-term business results and success. Here are the top three reasons leaders need to be socially aware:

1) It’s a small world, getting smaller by the minute.

2) You can’t be a success in leadership on your own.

3) People do business with people they know and like.

Let’s look at reason number one: it’s a small world getting smaller. It is so clear and yet we don’t think about it that much. I’m talking about how connected we are. Every week, sometimes daily,  I find that degrees of separation are decreasing. The fellow I met at a networking breakfast knows a colleague down the hall; a friend plays softball with my real estate agent; my neighbor does business with my former boss.  Friends and associates in London, Berlin, Hong Kong and Honolulu meet via LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter and soon start doing business together and referring one another.

As the world gets smaller, leaders need to continue to create connections and community. Without a community or several, you are an island. And since leadership is about getting amazing results through and with other people, you can’t go it alone, reason number two leaders need to be socially aware. Imagine a series of interlocking circles. The circles can represent individuals or communities. The spaces where they overlap are where relationships that nurture business and leadership success lie.

This in turn relates to reason number three why leaders need to be socially aware: we like to do business with people we know and like. It’s the same the world over (and remember, that world is getting smaller).

Ok, so you know the WHY you as a leader need to be socially aware. The How to become socially aware is next. Stay tuned.

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Leaders, use your strengths. Maximize them. But don’t overuse them – they become weaknesses.

Think about this: what got you here isn’t enough. If you only rely on your strengths, top ten strengths or otherwise, you will either remain in the status quo or go backwards as the world churns forward.

Self awareness enables you to target where to grow.

As a leader who wants to continue to keep moving, you need to leverage your strengths AND develop those weaker areas. Makes sense…intellectually. Action is the key. This is not a prescription for overwhelm. Pick one area to develop or improve and concentrate on that for three months. Before starting, decide on how you will measure your success. During that time and after, get feedback on your progress. Based on the input, continue to hone and adjust as appropriate. Don’t worry abut being perfect, you won’t be. And don’t try to develop more than three areas at one time. It’s a process of learning, developing and applying, as with any skill or capability.

Do this and your leadership capability expands beyond your current strengths.

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