Emotional Intelligence Leadership

Power enhances being goal oriented, self-interested and taking risks, all of which can be critical leadership qualities when used responsibly. That’s the key: to harness your power without it getting the best of you.

How? One of the most direct ways is though meaningful, timely and regular feedback from people who will be honest with you and with whom you share mutual trust and respect.

Ask for the feedback. Be open in wanting to know and learn from their opinions. Some examples:

“what am I doing that I should continue?” “what do I do well?’
“what could I do differently (please be specific)?”
“what should I consider stopping because it gets in the way, is annoying, isn’t effective?”
“what would be helpful for me to learn?” “who else can help me learn what I need to learn?”

Give people an opportunity to provide the feedback face-to-face, on the phone or in writing, whatever is easiest for them.

Of course you then need to do something with that input.

Tweet This Post

Mastery is the second element that leads to more intrinsic motivation. Daniel Pink in his book, Drive, defines mastery as the desire to get better and better at something that matters.

If you have the desire to improve, you probably want to know what you can do…

In addition to deliberate practice, practice and more practice, you need to know how you’re doing and what you can do to improve. You are looking for more self-awareness. That means seeking feedback on an on-going basis.

Set up the conversation with a variety of people you trust to be honest and that know you, but also ask people that think differently than you, diversity of thought, experience and background is helpful. Explain that you are on the road to mastering something (XYZ) and you are seeking feedback to help you get there. Ask these questions on a regular and frequent basis (perhaps weekly or monthly):

“What am I doing well to get closer to mastering XYZ?”
“What could I do differently to be better at XYZ?”
“What other feedback do you have that may be helpful in my mastering XYZ?”

Thank the person genuinely and get to work on putting that feedback into motion. As you take action, ask for more specific feedback and continue refining your behaviors and actions.

Be prepared that the road to mastery can be long and potentially painful. It will serve you well if you have a “learning” mindset and take small baby steps toward your goal of mastering XYZ.

Mastery requires concerted effort. Be one of the minority that has the energy and focus to stay the course. The payoff of your leadership will be great.

Tweet This Post

I recently shared an example of a leader, I’ll call her Faye, that built a lot of trust. Cultivating trust helped her build strong relationships. These relationships created an environment where people wanted to do their best and in fact, they did, they excelled.

Let’s look at her behaviors and actions:

Encouraged and promoted open communication

- Faye was honest and transparent and fostered that in return. You knew where she stood and what she expected. She shared her reasoning, thoughts and feelings. There were no hidden agendas or mixed messages. She created an environment where people truly felt they could express an opinion and it would be considered, even if it differed from hers. Faye asked for regular feedback and gave it freely, both complimentary and constructive. When she couldn’t take an action that was requested, she explained why and it made sense. She communicated clearly and thoroughly; the receiver really got the message that she intended.

Reliable and consistent

- Faye kept commitments and held herself and those she worked with accountable. She had high integrity. There were no surprises or broken promises. She was good at following-up. When she couldn’t take an action that was requested, she explained why and it made sense.

Respectful to all

-Faye was fair and had no hidden agendas. She really valued diversity. She enhanced people’s self-esteem.

Showed confidence in others

-Faye let people do their jobs by supporting them and getting out of their way. She invested in her team’s development, both individually and as a group. She coached and mentored. She advocated for her group and others. She shared leadership and she brought out the best in others.

Faye was and is a great leader and boss. And she still is one of the best leaders I know.

Tweet This Post

Why is trust such an important part of being a leader? Without it, almost nothing else matters. It is a basic trademark of good leadership.

This makes me recall a former boss. He had technical business savvy, but very little emotional intelligence. He lead by fear, not by cultivating trust. He bullied lots of people (this was before companies really paid attention to professional and civil treatment for all) . He did not care about building relationships. And forget about developing employees. It’s almost as though he had a “chew ‘em up and spit ‘em out” philosophy. People would shake in their boots when he was around. He did not admit mistakes and was good at blaming others. While his “get results through fear” had short-term impact, it could not carry the long-term business results the corporation expected. Trust was non-existent. No one wanted to go the extra mile. Turnover was at an all-time high. And in the end, he was terminated.

It was a great learning experience. One that showed clearly what not to do.

In contrast, another former supervisor invested in relationships and earning people’s trust. She was honest and transparent. She had high integrity and you knew where she stood and what she expected. There were no hidden agendas. She created an environment where people truly felt they could express an opinion and it would be considered, even if it differed from hers. It was safe, so people had more courage and took more (good) risks. She kept commitments. She asked for regular feedback and was good at following-up. When she couldn’t take an action that was requested, she explained why and it made sense. She communicated clearly and thoroughly; in other words, the receiver really got the message that she intended. She let people do their jobs by supporting them and getting out of their way. She invested in her team’s development, both individually and as a group. People excelled on her team and high performers from other departments wanted to work with her. People willingly gave more than was expected and had fun doing it. We’re talking lots of optimal performance. In the end, she was promoted, several times, to the highest executive level.

It was a great learning experience. It made me want to be that kind of leader because I experienced first-hand what it was like to work with someone like that. I was motivated to do my best and then reach further, to improve from there. It was invigorating and rewarding, not just for me but for people I interacted with also.

Most leaders fall somewhere in between these two examples. And most good leaders do some of the things outlined in the second story above, some of the time.

Here’s my challenge to leaders: what difference would you see in performance and then business results if you did all of the things to build and nurture trust, all of the time? If you don’t think it’s worth the investment, I guarantee you are not maximizing your team’s output, getting the best business results and for sure you are not getting optimal performance.

Try it and let me know…

Tweet This Post

A friend and business colleague phoned me and started the conversation after hello with, “we’re pretty good friends, right?” I immediately felt warmer and the warning light went on in my head. After I agreed, she went on to give me some feedback: she said that my sending an email offering help to a third party was “kinda taking over” (taking over her role as head of the non-profit volunteer organization we both belong to).

That came as a pretty big surprise, since that was not and is not my intention (there’s an example of the gap between intention and impact). After taking a breath, I apologized and explained that wasn’t what I wanted to do and I calmly asked her how she wanted me to change that going forward. She asked me to run things by her first and admitted that it might be cumbersome, but that was her preference (and she is the head of this organization). Ok, sure I can do that.

In the moment I composed the email and sent it, I was not thinking that my actions could be mis-interpreted. Since receiving the feedback, I am now much more conscious of how I will do things as they relate to this group and specifically to her, our leader.

Self management keeps me from making this any larger than it is. But I feel a bit annoyed (at least my self awareness is working some) at myself for not having thought about it more and the potential impact of my seemingly innocent actions. And I feel a bit irritated that what started out as a good gesture didn’t exactly turn out the way I thought.

Emotional intelligence as it happens.

Tweet This Post

Everyone agrees that as a leader, part of your job is to improve business results. Uh huh. Well, this is why you have to be emotionally intelligent: Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence and co author of Primal Leadership with Richard Boyatzis and Annie Mckee found that an affiliative leadership style which builds emotional capital is more effective in today’s organizations than the leadership styles of yesterday. The data reviwed by Goleman, Boyatzis and McKee suggest that HOW a leader leads is key…to the bottom line. The numbers point to a leader’s style being about 70% of the emotional climate and climate is in large part the reason why people stay at a company. A good emotional climate makes employees feel good to be a part of that entity. Emotional climate then drives about 20%, sometimes more, of business performance.

How does emotional climate come to be? As noted, a leader’s style and how s/he makes you feel creates the emotional tone of the workplace. There are four fundamentals of what is known as emotional intelligence that enable a leader to create a great emotional climate. They are: self- awareness, self-management (self-management of emotion), social awareness (empathy), and relationship management. Each of these components is inter-related and we’ll be talking more about these in future posts. But for now, it all starts with self-awareness.

By a certain point in life, we tend to think that we know ourselves pretty well. Perhaps. Then again maybe not. Or maybe in certain ways, but not in the realm of our emotions. There are three key competencies to being self-aware according to Hay Group’s Emotional Competence Inventory (ECI): emotional self-awareness, accurate self-assessment, and self-confidence.

• Do you know the signs that tell you what you are feeling?

• Do you use that information to help you shift your focus if needed?

• Do you have strong sense of your capabilities? Of your shortcomings?

• Are you open to feedback and do you solicit it regularly?

While it’s tempting to answer “yes” to these questions and conclude that you are in fact emotionally intelligent, it turns out that there’s a range of emotional intelligence. And, perhaps more importantly, emotional intelligence, like leadership, can be developed.

Take action on becoming more emotionally self-aware: the next time you are working, notice how you are feeling. Happy, frustrated, calm, energized? Then, see how that impacts what you’re working on. Are you productive, creative, efficient? Is everything flowing easily? Or are you slogging through it just to get it checked-off the list? Are you doing C+ work? Check-in with yourself . Note what emotions and patterns of emotions cause you to be at your best.

Tweet This Post