Emotional Intelligence Leadership

As a leader, how do you measure the value of your investment of energy, expertise and time…as a volunteer? Recently, I had a conversation about volunteering. One of the things that surfaced was that the person didn’t feel that she was getting what she expected from her contribution. And she felt what she was giving wasn’t appreciated.

Giving more than what is received may not meet be what you signed up for. Then again, as a leader, you are probably familiar with that situation. In fact, an informal poll of a small group of women business owners, my friends and peers, showed that they all think that a leader goes beyond what is expected, gives the extra something and that sets the tone and example for others. And there are many things that a leader receives in return for this investment: feeling that you are making a positive difference, building relationships, learning, developing others, and having fun among them.

If you are a leader, someone who others look to for guidance and direction, someone who has influence and gets things done through others, think about your gift of energy, expertise, and time as a volunteer and…how you measure your investment.

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I regularly reflect about great leadership and how emotional intelligence (EI) contributes to a leader’s effectiveness. I strongly believe that the more EI a leader has and uses appropriately in daily interactions, the more effective s/he is, all things being equal. That belief is why this blog exists.

When it comes to the year end, I find myself thinking about all the leaders I have encountered, worked with or heard about through the year. The great, good, bad and the ugly. And that review makes me conclude once again, that a leader’s clarity is absolutely critical. We expect that with regard to an organization’s vision, mission, goals, objectives etc., but don’t always consciously require that clarity of a leader at the individual, personal level.

But we should, we must. Without that personal clarity, self-awareness, and self-knowledge at a deep level, how can a leader really hope to earn trust and inspire greatness especially in uncertain, ambiguous times?

As 2009 closes and we embrace all that is possible in the new year, I challenge you and the leaders you know, work with and mentor to find and refine your personal clarity. That will have a huge impact on your leadership, those you lead and the bottom line of your organization’s success. Take action!

Here’s a to a great 2010! I look forward to continuing on the learning journey with you and to furthering your leadership effectiveness.

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A tickle that develops into a sore throat is my early warning system for a cold. My response is lots of hot tea with honey. Usually I can catch it in time so that the cold doesn’t materialize.

Most of us have early warning systems for various aspects of our lives. They may be so automatic, we don’t think about them. But developing them isn’t always automatic.

As leaders, we also need to have reliable early waring systems. And they need to be developed and nurtured. And, we need to pay keen attention to them. Two that work for me (and that I’m still developing) are:

1) my intuition

2) asking big picture and then progressively more detailed questions

Intuition experts say we all have this ability, some of us use it more than others. And it turns out the more you use it the better it is, like a muscle. My intuition has become more reliable over time as I pay attention- become more self-aware, trust it and consciously call it to action.

A quick story. I serve as President on a local board of directors for a not-for-profit organization for women business owners, NAWBO (National Association of Women Business Owners). Our term started in July and most of the board was staying on for another term. We have a couple new members also. Recently, I had a feeling that one of our new board members was going to resign. It was a “gut” feeling. Over the course of the next three weeks, I touched base with this person a few times to see how things were going and how I could lend support. There wasn’t anything specific she asked of me. But last week she resigned for some personal reasons. I wasn’t surprised. I was disappointed to see her go, but I know this is what is best for her.

Here’s the learning in this example. I had an intuitive feeling something was going to change, but I didn’t pay enough attention at the time. Had I done so, I would have been three steps ahead in having the back-up plan ready to execute. I had somewhat of a back-up plan. Not solid enough. I should have really listened and trusted to my intuition when it started to give me the sense that something was about to happen and then prepared to set plan B into motion.

Plan B has now been put into place, but it took three days longer than it should have.

If you are a leader (and everyone is on some level) what is your early warning system?

Stayed tuned for more…

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Don’t let your emotions get in the way of your leadership or bottom line business results will suffer.

A business owner, my client, was mad. He felt disrespected by an employee. He knew he had to address the behavior, because if he didn’t, his silence would condone what the employee did and in the end it would negatively affect business.

This leader knows that what he permits, he promotes.

First thing first. He had to get control of his emotions. By self managing, he could he maintain his leadership based on integrity and set a good example. We all get mad, upset, frustrated. How you manage those emotions impacts your leadership.  Calm down and focus. That’s what he did. Then he had to get all the facts (there was evidence of wrong doing, but more facts were needed) and then determine next steps on how to discuss the inappropriate behavior with the employee.

Don’t let you emotions get in the way of your leadership. And be clear on what you permit because that is what you promote.

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Yesterday I heard part of an interview on Smart City Radio with Larry Beasley founder of Beasley and Associates, an international planning consultancy.  Larry talked about planning cities based around an emotional response…love.

He is advocating that love is the key force to building great cities (and suburbs), suggesting that we need to tap into people’s emotions and what they want, what will make them happy. If we do this, people will invest back into the city and that will feed the economy. He calls it experiential planning.

This piqued my interest from a leadership perspective as we look at community, what that means and how each of us can contribute. Larry says  it’s as easy as coming together and starting a discussion about one street, one park and it’s design. Creating an environment that we enjoy being in and part of shifts our attitude about it and then the image of our city shifts as people identify their city as very livable, happiness increases. That is what differentiates cities – those that are vibrant draw and create wealth vs. those that simply exist.

Larry points to going beyond the basic economic development model and look to include right from the start, fundamental beauty – the things that evoke a strong positive emotion. A complete vision for what we want, combined with experiential planning and involvement create smart cities.

He urges that we be brave – to step beyond the limitations, safety and security that exist now. This is leadership.

Go to http://www.smartcityradio.com/show/2605/All-for-Good to hear the whole interview.

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Now that I am past a certain point in life I find myself thinking more about my legacy. My leadership legacy. I am using the somewhat broad definition of leadership as being in a position to positively influence others toward a goal.

I woke up today as I do rather often these days, thinking about what positive influence I will have with those I interact with today. My goal is  to be that positive influence to help others be the best they can be toward whatever goal they have for today. Given that one of my mantras is to take baby-steps, I apply that philosophy by deciding what small step I will take today to take action.

I decided to start here and write this blog entry.

Like many, I can be bowled over with the to-do list that seems to grow by the minute, but I choose to focus my energy rather than give-in to being overwhelmed. Being overwhelmed doesn’t serve me or those I hope to assist.

In focusing myself on my goal: to be a positive influence ~ to help others be the best they can be toward whatever goal they have for today, I start to leave my leadership legacy.

I invite you to share your leadership legacy. Let’s start a conversation.

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“You can’t base your life on other people’s expectations.”  Stevie Wonder

For a number of years, I led my life using other people’s expectations as my guide, as an anchor. Yes, we all do this to a point, but you need to recognize – become self-aware – of your own expectations to be really happy, productive and effective as a leader.

As I reflect on this today,  I’m much happier and much more effective as a leader now that I have my own set of expectations and live life and lead from them.

What are your expectations? What’s important to you and how do you lead your life?

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Leaders, use your strengths. Maximize them. But don’t overuse them – they become weaknesses.

Think about this: what got you here isn’t enough. If you only rely on your strengths, top ten strengths or otherwise, you will either remain in the status quo or go backwards as the world churns forward.

Self awareness enables you to target where to grow.

As a leader who wants to continue to keep moving, you need to leverage your strengths AND develop those weaker areas. Makes sense…intellectually. Action is the key. This is not a prescription for overwhelm. Pick one area to develop or improve and concentrate on that for three months. Before starting, decide on how you will measure your success. During that time and after, get feedback on your progress. Based on the input, continue to hone and adjust as appropriate. Don’t worry abut being perfect, you won’t be. And don’t try to develop more than three areas at one time. It’s a process of learning, developing and applying, as with any skill or capability.

Do this and your leadership capability expands beyond your current strengths.

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There are a number of things these days that might keep you from having a good night’s sleep. I’m sure you have your own list or could easily come up with one.

Something happened to a friend recently that hit me squarely in the gut. I found out that this friend and her child had their lives turned upside down by domestic violence and were homeless for a time. I was shocked. I didn’t know what to think.  Being sensitive to the fairly common gap between intention and impact, I acted. I reached out as best I could given the sketchy details and was about to offer them a place to stay when she  explained they are now in a program for families in their situation. She and her child are OK for now.

In the space of about two hours, my emotions ran the range. I also realized that there are parts of my life that have been very sheltered. This got me thinking about personal leadership and everything that goes into that, how that influences how we show up, what actions we do or do not take, what lens we see the wordl through and what keeps leaders up at night.

It made me reflect on what is important vs. what is urgent vs. what gets in the way by our own doing or external circumstances. And it was a timely reminder that though there are many things that we say are important, we better do a personal check-in to make sure we are on track. On track with what is aligned with our own personal leadership. In fact, a daily self-check-in can do wonders for  our personal leadership and integrity,  which in turn affects business results and what keeps us up at night.

What keeps YOU up at night?

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Have you ever volunteered your time and then wished you got some recognition for what you did? That doesn’t seem to fit. You VOLUNTEERED, so why should you be recognized?

Well, the simple truth for most of us, myself included, is that we like to be acknowledged and recognized. We appreciate being appreciated. It feels good.

I gave a workshop recently and donated my time and expertise. The attendees were happy, they got good value. Of course that is recognition. But I still walked away feeling that it would have been nice if a certain person acknowledged my efforts. That extra thank-you would have sealed my contribution on a high note. Contrast that with a different story: a few years ago, I received a hand written thank-you note from an executive with a large company. It probably only took him a few minutes to jot that note to me, but it had a huge positive impact, in fact, one that I still remember and I still have that note.

Ok, so what’s the deal, am I a recognition-needy person? Always looking for the pat on the back? No, actually not.

Which brings me to this point: as a leader, as an emotionally intelligent leader, do you know what your employees’  acknowledgment and recognition needs are? Do you meet them? Do you thank them for a specific action they took? Do you go beyond the usual “thanks” in a way that makes each person feel really good?

That workshop experience made me re-think my own giving recognition behavior. It takes conscious energy to be on the lookout for what kind of acknowledgment each person values. So yes, that is what I am trying to do more of.

And dare I say, I think we could do more of thanking each other each day. For the simple things that we take for granted, for the extra helping hand, for the above and beyond effort. But please, be sincere. If you’re just going to go through the motions, then for heaven’s sake, don’t bother.

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