Seven Rules for Trusting Wisely
Trust is on my mind. I’ve talked about it here before, but lately it seems to be everywhere. In a recent blog post, I wrote “I Trust Too Much!?!” Then I happen to pick-up the June 2009 Harvard Business Review (HBR), and the cover is “Rebuilding Trust.” Then Walter Cronkite passes away. He was known as the most trusted man in America. I then catch part of an NPR story about trust. My fascination with trust continues.
One of the articles in HBR is “Rethinking Trust” by Roderick M. Kramer, a social psychologist and the William R. Kimball Professor of Organizational Behavior at the Stanford Graduate School of Business in CA.
Kramer starts by sharing evidence that to trust is really part of being human. But he claims we can’t always rely on our judgment. This makes me nervous. Even though I’ve been told I sometimes trust too much, most of the time (98%) it works out OK, actually it works out well. This means what has worked for me so far is pretty comfortable and I’m likely to continue doing that. Kramer says that can be dangerous. He points out that we need to revisit the trust issue and check-in every so-often or we may put ourselves in a grief-causing situation.
He outlines seven rules for trusting wisely:
1) Know yourself
2) Start small
3) Write an escape clause
4) Send strong signals
5) Recognize the other person’s dilemma
6) Look at roles as well as people
7) Remain vigilant and always question
The first rule is a great tie-back to emotional intelligence. Knowing yourself is the starting point in both arenas. Without this knowledge and I would say self-honesty, you could be setting yourself up for abuse by trusting too much, or on the other end, hold yourself back from developing deeper relationships by trusting too little.
I, therefore, must be ever conscious of correctly interpreting the clues I get from other people or, I may put myself in a position of unwanted vulnerability. Finding the balance where I can trust (and of course be trusted), so we can build the relationship is of great interest to me. And also of great interest is not being taken advantage of.
